Change

Some people, like my husband, find change challenging. They love having everything in its usual spot, so they know exactly where to find things. But I absolutely thrive on mixing things up! Every now and then, I’ll totally revamp my cabinets or living room to better fit our family’s needs. I believe change is essential because we’re always evolving and growing, both physically and spiritually!

If you saw my previous post, you know I'm exploring the book of Ruth. Today, I looked at chapter 1, verses 7-14 (take a look!). It’s about Naomi, Ruth, and Oprah returning to Israel after Naomi’s sons and husband died. As I read, I wondered if I could relate to any of them. Naomi lost her family—I’m thankful mine’s still here, although I’ve experienced loss. Oprah kissed Naomi goodbye and went back to her family. Ruth stayed with Naomi. At first, I feel I’m not like Naomi since I haven’t lost my family. I’m uncertain about Oprah because she just leaves. Regarding Ruth, she’s incredibly loyal to Naomi, and I am to some of my family too.

I begin to reflect on Ruth. Despite her silence in these verses, she never loses hope and prioritizes Naomi over her own wish to be with her family. Ruth could have left Naomi to enjoy a comfortable life she was familiar with. Oprah chose that path, returning to ease and comfort, prioritizing her own needs above all else. Naomi, on the other hand, is deeply saddened and heartbroken. I cannot and do not wish to imagine her feelings. Naomi's sorrow is compounded by anger towards God for taking her family. She feels guilty, believing their departure to Moab was the reason for their loss. This suggests she might not have wanted to leave initially but followed her family nonetheless. (This is speculative, not factual.) What if Naomi initially had the strongest faith, trusted God, but left with her family, only for God to take them away? Can you imagine the guilt if she had stood her ground? This is purely my imaginative interpretation; the Bible doesn't state this. 

Reflecting on this, I find myself connecting with each of the women. Ruth is inspired by Naomi, motivated by her love for her. She desires Naomi's well-being and supports her, guiding her towards happiness and instilling hope. Similarly, I relate to this with my husband, as I encourage him to make the right choices, constantly supporting him and urging him to seek and trust in God. You could say I strive to be the guiding light that brings him back to God whenever he feels down.

Oprah departs, returning to what feels familiar. I think about my friend; I love supporting her and cherish our conversations. However, I don't agree with her parenting methods or some of her decisions. It's challenging for me to assist those who don't help themselves. I see solutions and can't comprehend why they don't just do what I believe is necessary, or why they aren't striving to improve their lives when it's so accessible. Lately, I've struggled with this friend because, despite my help, I start to question if they create the situations they're in. I wonder if they consider their actions or if they always rely on someone to rescue them when needed. As I reflect on this, I ponder how harsh it might sound if she were to read it. It seems selfish and unloving. I've realized it's not my family to manage. It's not my house or my children. I aspire to be like Oprah, distancing myself and visiting less frequently because I want to help, but I prioritize my needs over theirs. I don't want to just motivate and assist. I think about fixing and changing, and I feel that's the issue. Sometimes we're like Oprah, desiring the best for those we love, but focusing more on what we think they should have or do, rather than what's truly best for them. 

Then I think about Naomi. No, I have never lost my entire family, but I understand what it's like to push people away. I'm often so opinionated that I disagree with others and isolate myself. I'd rather lose people than love them. It might seem harsh, but it's a natural instinct. Fight or Flight. My mom loves to give advice on how I should raise my children. She often shares her thoughts over the phone, and I sometimes just want to hang up. Click, done. That's what I mean; sometimes I enjoy being alone, eating ice cream from the tub, and watching Hallmark movies. The mystery of solitude. I like being with my thoughts and pondering things I feel will never happen. Like Naomi, I envision my life a certain way, and when it changes or takes longer than expected, I'm quick to give up. I tell myself it will never happen. I think, well, God hasn't done it yet; I know He can, but He won't. That's still doubtful. I believe He'll provide for others but not for me. I feel I'm not enough, that I don't do enough. I know my thoughts can become quite negative if I let them.

I am similar to Ruth regarding my husband, as I am loyal and have faith that God will accomplish incredible things through him, even if he doesn't realize it yet. I feel like quitting, similar to Oprah, because it's much more challenging to put in the effort and prioritize others' desires over my own wish to help them. I also resemble Naomi, as I tend to indulge in self-pity and believe that God will assist everyone except me. 

Why does our faith change with different situations?

I look back at Genesis and I remember Joseph and how he stood his ground with Potiphar's wife. (Go read Gen 39 if you don't know the story) I feel like this answers my question above, why does our faith change. 

Look at Ruth and Joseph; they both stood their ground. Sometimes I think it is so much easier and natural to let our emotions dictate how we feel. Think about that for a second. The fact of the matter is that it shouldn't matter how we personally feel about the situation but what God's word we should do.

Consider the level of self-awareness Ruth and Joseph possessed. They did not place blame on those around them or feel uncertain because of their circumstances. Instead, they focused on Christ and the future. Their past and how they arrived at their current situation were irrelevant compared to the promise of freedom through Salvation. 

I've been trying to understand how to "gain more faith." Why can't I have a consistent amount for every situation? It's not about having more faith; it's about how reluctant we are to depend on it. We observe some people whose entire world is transformed or shattered. Consider Job and his life. I wonder how he maintains such strong faith. It's not that he possesses more faith than I do, but that he turns to the truths God has revealed to him much faster than I would. He doesn't need to go through questioning everything, doubting, seeking others' opinions, and then finally approaching God. He immediately goes to God and stands firm on the promises. He is grounded in facts, not emotions or the influence of those around him.

Faith doesn't simplify the situation; it allows you to rely on God's word. To depend on it, you must be familiar with the word. The challenges we face aren't necessarily easier or less emotional for some compared to others, but it's about what we do despite our emotions.

 Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (kjv) I have tried to regulate my emotions, change how I feel. The battle is not against how I feel but about what it causes me to do. Ruth was grieving but she didn't let her emotions stop her from moving towards Christ. 

Our emotions like anger, jealousy, guilt, hurt, sadness are all important because they let us know how much we truly care about the situation. It is not about if we listen to our emotions, they will be there regardless, but what we do regardless of how we feel.  Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV) - “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Philippians 3:13-14: "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things

Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". 

1 Peter 5:10: "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast". 

Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

The challenges we face strengthen us. Our experiences contribute to our growth. We should consistently turn to Christ. Our emotions can obscure our judgment; we often prioritize our feelings, making it appear as though our faith is diminished because we rely on our emotions instead of God's plan for us. Trust in God and seek Him. It's not more faith we need, but a greater dependence on Jesus. 

Dear El Hane'eman (God is faithful)

Thank you for giving me your word and providing promises so that I do have hope in you. Thank you for being faithful to me and patient to know that I will come to you, even though it may not be as quick as it needs to be. I thank you for knowing my heart and searching me daily so that I can grow in you. I thank you for your Holy Spirit who guides me and corrects me when I am wrong. I thank you for the people in my life who I can encourage like my husband, to know that by reminding him of your sobriety it also reminds me. I thank you for the people in my life who challenge me, who I want to call it quits on, because they led me to search my heart and realize where I have been wrong. I thank you for the opportunity that I can face that makes my dought seem so loud to keep reminding me that if it is your will it will happen. I thank you for the moments of self solitude that I can continually grow in knowing you are always with me. I thank you for the friends that I have to remind me how important it is to grow off of one another. Most of all I thank you for giving me a direct line to you, a way to be able to ask the most highly gracious ruler of all what it is that I need to do about the largest to the smallest details in my life. I thank you for the ability to pray to you only given to us by your son dying on the cross. I pray that you will continue to help me lean on your words no matter what my emotions may feel. I praise you for my past and honor you for my future. I trust in your will and what you have planned for me.

In Jesus Name, Amen