It's been a Year

When you see someone hurting, is your first instinct to help out? How do you support those who don't want any help? These are tough questions and can be tricky to answer if you really think about them. This past weekend, I visited a woman who was clearly in a lot of pain. She's still grieving, and depression is starting to take hold. You can see it in her attitude—she just wants to sleep, her house isn't as tidy as usual, and her confidence is shot. I tried talking to her when I got there, hoping to understand what caused this big change. I say, "big change," but honestly, it's been building up for months. She didn't want to chat. She had nothing to say; she just felt this way, and that's all she knew. No more talking needed—she was content to stay in her pit of despair.

That night, I really prayed for her. I asked God to help me understand her feelings, to feel her pain so I could figure out how to help. I prayed for guidance on how to talk to her and be there for her, to help her get through the tough spot she was in. I just wanted to see her smile again, but I knew I couldn't do much if she wasn't ready for it.

Romans 12:15: "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn". 

It was about 4 am when I woke up with words just rushing through my mind. I couldn't grab a paper fast enough, trying to jot everything down while new thoughts kept popping up. I felt like I was under a heavy weight, like someone had thrown a soaking wet comforter over me. I felt trapped, and the emotions were so intense that I was in tears, my heart breaking. I remember asking God to ease the pain, saying I understood and to take it away. I immediately regretted asking for her pain because it was just too much to handle. I wrote down the words that filled my heart, pouring my sadness into this poem.

Gone

Since you been gone

A part of me doesn't belong

I'm lost, drowning in sadness

numb pain, my mind is madness

I know your happy full of peace

in Heaven with God, but I lost a piece

my world without you is not the same

and there's no one to blame for the pain

what do I do with this hole inside

All of my Joy is now denied

Not allowing myself to move on

Because a piece of me if forever gone

surrender my hurt means letting go of you

That's not something I'm ready to do

In your memory is where I drown

where you are is where I am found

I can't move on, trapped in my past

watching my life through shattered glass

It moves on, everyone else seems fine

But I can't let go of what once was mine

Tears they can't fall, and my mouth can't say

Just how long will I feel this way

I want to be happy, careless and free

but my heart is missing a piece of me

It left when they put you in the ground

I'm broke and I can't be found

One day I'll surrender, just holding on tight

To my dad, be his little girl for one more night

If I let go, do I lose all I have of you

since you've been gone, I've lost me too

Wrote by: Hannah Austin

NOV 3, 2024 @ 5:16 am

"In memory of Grady Turner"

I soaked in the moment, feeling what she was going through, and as I was jotting this down, she woke up and began cooking in the kitchen. I watched her, now understanding how she felt, acting like everything was fine even though she was weighed down. I started praying for her, not with her but for her. She was making grits for church in a few hours, unaware that God was working on her heart. As I prayed, verses popped into my head, and I'd write them down and pray those verses over her.

Matthew 11:28 Come to me who are weary, and burden and I will give you rest.

She needed to surrender her pain; I couldn't do that for her. She had to go to God in order to have the rest in her heart.

 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 says, "But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him". 

It seemed like she had no hope, no light at the end of the tunnel. She was saved, and the person she was mourning was saved too. She knew she'd see him again, but her pain was blocking out that comforting peace. She understood these things were true, but she couldn't shake off the selfish wish to have him with her. She hadn't trusted in Jesus to free her from her painful struggle. 

Psalms 34:22 The Lord will rescue his servants, No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned. 

She needed to find a safe space. While I was praying, I felt God nudging me to pray with her. I wanted to leap up right then, but it was like I was stuck to my chair. I was curious—how could I help her? What could I do through Christ? How was He planning to use me? I wanted to know all the details. I was stressing over stuff that wasn’t mine to handle. I just needed to be ready and open to pray with her in the moment. One of my favorite verses popped into my head, Philippians 4:6-7. It reminded me that by praying, I was actually doing something to help her. I realized I needed to stay strong in my faith and let God handle the situation—I’m just a vessel, not the captain.

God started touching her heart through the Church and kind acts (hesed) to show her just how loved she is. He used people around her to offer a lifeline, helping her climb out of her deep despair. It's still a work in progress to heal the pain of a loss loved one—I'd love to say it all wrapped up perfectly, but she's still on her healing journey. Each day, every choice, and every prayer to surrender our pain brings us closer to God. Loving the Lord means wholeheartedly loving the reason He sacrificed His Son. The pain of loss is motivation to know Jesus; understanding his mercy and grace gives hope that through salvation and a relationship; we can be reunited with those who pass on before us. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, " Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

Dear Jehovah Nacham (God of Comfort)

I am grateful for the wisdom to turn to you in times of trouble. I praise you for your power to heal our pain. I am thankful for the paradise where our loved ones can dwell in your presence eternally, thanks to your son Jesus. I appreciate that you provide what I pray for at the perfect moment, according to your timing. Waiting can be challenging, but you foresee the outcome even before I ask. I am thankful for your unconditional love, which inspires me to emulate that love towards others. I am grateful for the opportunity to assist those in need and the privilege to pray for those who are hurting. I pray that the hurting will know to seek you, understanding that you replace pain with comforting peace. I pray for those suffering from depression or anxiety, that we all remember you created our emotions to guide us back to you. Lord, everything leads back to you. I pray that I honor and praise you in all my actions and words. Please be with my mom as she learns to surrender her pain.

In Jesus Name, Amen